The Lollipop of Malcontent

During the past 4 weeks I have made it my duty to persuade Morrigan to come to the dark side of music. She came home one day announcing that Hannah Montana was the greatest rockstar ever. I felt a twitch in my eye and the anger mounted and took hold of my brain. My child! My child likes Hannah f#$@ing Montana?!?! How did this happen!?!?! Where was I at this pivotal point in her young life?!?! Since I let her stray from the flock, I felt it was my duty to correct this wrong. No child of mine will listen to Hannah Montana.

My first plan of attack was to explain to her that Hannah Montana wasn’t a real rockstar and that she was just pretending. This advancement was stunted by her reply of, "Well, I know her really name is Molly Cyrus." I then decided it was best to approach this from a logical standpoint. "Morrigan," I said, "You know that there are much better rockstars who actually play music." She looks at me sternly and says, "She DOES play music, what do you think it is?" I’m losing my grip! So I chimed in with, "I tell you what. If you will listen to the music I put on it, I’ll give you my old mp3 player." She perks up at this and agrees.

Later that night I comb through my music collection in search of kid friendly rock music and find quite a bit, shockingly enough. I load the Beatles, the Cranberries, No Doubt, the Buggles, All American Rejects, Panic! at the Disco, and Alanis Morrisette. I was trying to appeal to her six year old senses so don’t harp at me about the emo music. I’d rather her be emo than fall prey to that horrid pop nightmare.

The next day she spends hours listening to this music. I hear the high pitched hum to the chorus of, "Video killed the Radio star" from her bedroom. Moments later, I hear a squeal. She runs full speed into the kitchen and proclaims, "MOMMA! THIS GIRL WHO SINGS "i’M JUST A GIRL" IS WAY COOLER THAN HANNAH MONTANA!" Thank god! She likes No Doubt. That... I can handle. So now Morrigan is on a Gwen kick. My daughter belongs to me again. Crisis avoided.