Former Midnight Musings

I was wrong apparently. About what? Well, about love. Recently I have found myself madly in love. Did I want something so profound to take hold of me? No, not really. Would I give it back? Never.

It has changed me completely. I forgo that overwhelming need to be right for the sake of us and his happiness. I can't be angry at him, he is divine. I no longer feel that want to fix someone, he is not broken. When I breathe, I feel him. When he's gone, my entire body aches. Everything I see somehow triggers a latent memory of him. It's intoxicating and exciting. Has love made me it's fool? Completely. What a happy fool I am!

I have felt false love many times. That title engulfs being in love with the idea of being in love. We're all guilty of it. I, above all, am a hardened criminal in the matter. Has time served me as well as I'd like? No, of course not. I have seen it as my enemy. The faceless entity that delights in tormenting me. He stops when I am in need of tomorrow and hurries when I want the moment. He slaps happiness from my hand and smothers me in resentment and regret. At long last, I have bettered him in his own game.

I regret nothing, resent no one, and wait...I wait to see what dwells in tomorrow. Has fortune finally smiled on me? Has Love seen me out of the corner of her eye and thought to herself, "That's enough."?

I beg you, dear audience, to not think that I have lived a life wholly void of love. This is untrue. I have had, for almost 6 years now, the love of a child. This sort of love in no way compares to any other. It is to have a light by which everything else is seen anew. She has held my heart and will continue to do so. The degree to which I adore her is beyond measure. I feel almost undeserving of it.

Now, however, I feel so much. I have in my life 2 people who are completely necessary to me and in being so have encased me in elation. Sometimes I feel as if I will die from loving too much. How uncanny.

Am I afraid? Of course. Is it worth it? Very much so...