Anger-Go-Round

Outside the air is clean and cool. My thoughts are accompanied by the hesitant notes played from a trumpet belonging to the little boy next door. When he pauses, so do I. I wonder sometimes if he depends on me as much as I do on him. I doubt if he even knows that I am a nightly witness to his progression as an artist or that he provides me with a constant in my seemingly inconstant world.

As cold as it is, I don't have sense enough to put on socks or shoes. I think I enjoy the feeling of the cold. It cleanses and preserves. The chill gives me a different feeling. It dwells outside of the circle that anxiety, resentment, and fear resides. My body is frigid but my mind is warm and alive.

I initially came outside for a change of scenery. Inside, I find myself angry at things that make no sense and I expect things that cannot be delivered. I resent him for not being like me. He enjoys the idea that everything is simple and logical. I cannot possibly grasp his thought process and he thinks mine is absurd. I feel outside of my life.

All of that is in the background. Right now, I have the cold and the music. A feeling and a sound that I look forward to every night. Loneliness with a soundtrack.