Beware! Self-Aware!

I've never considered myself old. I'm sure most feel the same way and then, one day, you wake up and joints pop and jar more than usual- a lot more than usual. You fumble around and finally make your way to the vanity mirror only to discover that the light you've always recognized is fizzling and your face seems a bit more plain. What a horrid feeling. You panic.

Am I really that person? The old maid who keeps too much to herself and who is, no doubt, too much or too little to love? Is there really a perfect mixture? I constantly wonder as to if there really is something off about me. Do I ask too much? Require too much? Do I really hold people to such high standards that they break their ignoble necks when they finally fall from the astronomically high pedestal I have placed them on? Surely not! Not I!!

I have given multiple soap-box speeches against the institution of marriage but why do I give them? I actually think I give them to hide something. I'm drowning my self-doubt with a simple face-saving technique; if you can't join them, beat them! Not that I'm not grateful that my past relationships ended, because I am- believe me. I do, however, wonder what other people have that I don't. Since no one has offered me logical reasons, I do exactly what a reasonable person shouldn't do; I make them up. I wonder why no man secretly plans and purchases an engagement ring for me... Well, there is no real wonder there; I can be a perfect nightmare of a creature sometimes- but who isn't?